Dear friend,

A few years ago I was at a crossroads and it all came to a head on one particular day.

It started with a notice on my door that rent would be going up by $100. That same day I received an email saying the adjustable rate mortgage on my Chicago condo would be going up by several hundred dollars. After that, the day was a fog. 

At the time I was trying to live off my business which was not doing well. I was just scraping by as it was. These increases felt like I was being buried even deeper into the well of struggle. The fog these notices put me in had me confused and not really able to process what my future would look like with a business or living in LA.

The other equally challenging piece of this equation was that I’d have to reach out to family and friends for help. This felt like a total blow to my prideful ego that preferred to perpetually portray life as “fine” and “good” when anyone asked. I knew there was no way I could pretend anymore or use my own will to make it through this. I needed help both financially and emotionally. 

That night, I wasn’t quite ready to talk to anyone about it so I tried to process these things alone in my apartment while feeling overwhelmed and ashamed. I jotted down what I thought were all the options and attempted to solve this problem on my own. The only real solution I could come up with was to move home. I convinced myself that I would move home for a few months, get a job, save up money, and move back to LA the following year. 

I call my best friend the next day and let her know my plans. It’s through this conversation I learn (yet again!) the importance of reaching out to others when life gets tough. She helps provide a perspective that I wasn’t able to get to on my own. 

We talk about other ways I could start making money and how it’s one thing to move back if I want to move back but a whole other thing if it’s because of money. We chat about how there are always ways to make money and how its easy to chase a dream with a big savings account but when you need to scrappy to make ends meet, well, that’s when you learn what you’re made of. 

As we talk things through, she reminds me why I came to LA and why I could stay, if I wanted. It helped diffuse all the shame I felt about where I was. 

She also didn’t feed into my sad, victim story of where I was. She simply helped me see that I can choose differently and fight for this thing if I still wanted it.

Our conversation was the kind of tough love I needed. It reignited something in me that had slowly dimmed by so many obstacles along the way.

I was starting to see that maybe this crappy situation was inviting me back into my life but at a newer, deeper level: a level that would require me to fight for what I wanted. 

The situation was offering up a way forward of more unbecoming.  

We hang up and I feel totally clear and rejuvenated. At that moment I know my time in LA isn’t over and so I accept the invitation, despite the challenges, to keep going. 

I spent a little over a year getting back on my feet. I call this part of life my gypsy time. I didn’t have a home of my own and hopped around from different sublets or stayed with my friend. I still had moments during that year when I thought I would throw in the towel but I would go back to that conversation with my friend and keep going. 

The best thing about this experience was it humbled me. It taught me about fighting for what I want and having unshakeable faith in a dream even when all evidence appears to the contrary. For the first time I did whatever it took to make ends meet.  I cleaned apartments, catered events, babysat, and by the grace of God received some unexpected money that helped me along the way. The experience was brutal at times but I can look back now and feel grateful for who it helped me become.

I tell you all of this because I believe life directs us, sometimes through great suffering, into new chapters of our lives. The thing about these times is they are always an invitation to change ourselves. It’s through these fires that we burn away the false, untrue versions of ourselves and get closer to who we really are and what we are truly made of. This builds our resilience and our spirit. 

Friend, there will be moments where life feels too big to handle, too much on our plate, like we’ve been dealt a hand we can’t play. The only thing I know about these times is that we can’t get through them alone. We need to lean on others for support and when it’s our turn we’ve got to step up for others to be the supporter.

Eventually, after enough time has passed and we’ve grieved what we need to let go, we’ve got to dig around into that situation and find the gift in it. As long as we don’t allow ourselves to become the victim of our circumstances, that challenging situation can be the very thing that changes our lives in the most positive way. 

There are very few things in life that we can control. It seems to me the only real thing we can control is our attitudes, how we show up to meet the moment, and how we can evolve because of it. 

Always always remember, no matter what life throws your way, you got this. 

And when you need a hand, reach out.

Love,

Laura