Dear friend,

Have you seen the 90s movie Sliding Doors? It’s one of my favorites.  The movie alternates between two versions of the main character’s life, depending on whether or not she catches a train. I think what’s so appealing about it (and also a bit terrifying) is that the story shows how such a minor moment can impact a person’s life.

Have you ever had your own Sliding Doors moment? Maybe something so small changed your life forever or you’ve thought about what would have happened if you stayed or left the job/relationship/city or took the trip or enrolled in the class?

Before I moved to LA I had one of those moments. 

It was a summer evening in Chicago. I met my friend (who was also moving to LA) for dinner. The sun was still bright at 7pm, the food was delicious and the Moscow Mule was hitting the spot. I was a little nervous going into our dinner as I was starting to have second thoughts about moving. The novelty of moving across the country was starting to wear off as I started to deal with the reality of what needed to be done to make the move happen.

I thought I should spell this all out to my friend and surely she’d understand and agree. 

First, I explained, I didn’t know what to do with my condo. I didn’t think I could sell it and I was a little nervous about renting it. “I mean what would I do”, I told her, “play landlord from across the country?!”

Then obviously there was all the furniture. Would I sell it or ship it? What kind of charge would it be to ship all that across the country?!

Would I try to find a place before I moved or live with a friend and search once I arrived and where would the cats stay if I didn’t have a place of my own?!

And of course the big one…I’d have to quit my job which was terrifying without having another job lined up. 

Was I really going to leave it all? 

My mind convinced me that things weren’t all that bad and maybe it wasn’t a good idea after all. 

 As I listed one-by-one my reasoning on why moving was now a bad idea, my friend listened attentively. She didn’t try to change my mind, she just asked such a simple but profound question…

“What’s the alternative?”

“Huh?” I thought. I stared blankly at her, eyes wide, just blinking. 

What’s the alternative? That question did some kind of ninja mind trick on me. 

I didn’t have a response but that question stopped me in my tracks. 

I sat with the question for the next month.

“What would be the alternative?”, I thought over and over again.

It was such a simple question, a minor exchange, where those three words came out of her mouth and it suddenly led me down my own Sliding Doors moment. I was picturing different versions of my life if I stayed. Would anything really change? Would the ache ever go away? Would I ever have an opportunity like this again to be a bit selfish and go after what I wanted without much of anything holding me back? 

The question ultimately helped me make a clear decision. 

I knew I would regret this if I didn’t at least try it. It was a lot to let go of and a lot of change all at once but going after this dream that was so important to me was worth it in the end.

I knew the alternative was regret of not trying even if it meant giving up so much of the familiar. Deep down I felt the only way I’d discover who I was and what I was made of was by NOT holding onto to the familiar but rather venturing into the unknown. 

Friend, have you been feeling anxious, worry, fear about going after a dream or doing something different? Welcome to the club! Resistance is all part of the process. I can’t guarantee much about this journey but I can say with certainty that fear will show up. 

The idea of being fearless is a myth. I haven’t met one person whose been on this journey that hasn’t experienced fear. Our fears will be very appealing and submit good cases for why they are correct. 

I think one of the biggest things to this whole journey is learning how to navigate fear well. I’ve found that it helps to take very small steps toward your dreams and to not worry about your pace. The most important thing is to keep showing up and not give up. Just take it one small step at a time. There may be times when fear becomes paralyzing. In those cases find someone who will not try to convince you one way or the other on what your fear is saying, but will help you work through that fear and ask you good questions. 

Finally, write down your why. Why is this dream/journey/venture so important to you? Why do you want to make this change? Come back to your why whenever the fear comes up. Let that be your motivation when the fear arises. 

And maybe ask yourself every so often, “what’s the alternative?”

You got this.

Love,

Laura